Little Happinesses

Will, 1997

Just as there are little sadnesses, there are small happinesses as well.  These occur when he does something that I'd imagined he was no longer able to do.  We had one of those on Saturday night!  I was so happy.  I'd selected a documentary about Studio 54 for us to watch.  It was from Zeitgeist Films.  Will saw the word "Zeitgeist" on the screen and then he said, "Zeitgeist, Spirit of the Times."  I thought, at the time, that he was remembering the definition of Zeitgeist. 

Well, this morning I discovered that he was reading the definition off the screen.  That just burst my bubble and changed what I am writing about.

There have been other moments in which he remembers something I think he's forgotten.  And sometimes he seems so proud that he remembers -- his face lights up as he offers his memory like a little boy giving the correct answer to a teacher's question.

Yesterday one of the members of the church I joined last year talked to me about Will's approaching death and about how it would be hard for me and that she was there for me if I needed support and that I was loved.  I do my best to try and "rest" in God ("my yoke is easy and my burden is light") but that rest doesn't spare me the daily grief.

I wonder how long I'll grieve if I do survive this marriage.