Good Days/Bad Days

Yes, it's a roller coaster.

photo by blueberry Maki on Unsplash

The first two days of this week he slept and slept -- almost all day on Monday and Tuesday both.  Why?  Because he was dying?  No.  Probably because it was overcast.  Then on Wednesday he had two appointments -- the last visit of the Home Health nurse and foot care at the Feet Retreat.  He disliked the former but really enjoyed the latter.   He was up most of the day.  Because it was sunny?  Probably.  Sadly, the nurse's visit showed that he had lost weight.  Then yesterday, Thursday, he ate a big dinner:  cooked carrots, mashed potatoes, and a high-stacked ham sandwich.  So that's part of the whole caregiver thing -- getting ready for the end, being happy it's not, thinking he's going, thinking he's staying.

"Up and down, up and down... goblin lead them up and down."  Dementia is a goblin, but not a sweet one like Puck.  That's my first cultural reference.  And here's the second:  "Hello, I must be going."

My big news is that I hired a caregiver for three hours every Thursday night so I can get out of the fucking house and have dinner by myself somewhere.  The first week of June I will actually be going to an actual RESTAURANT!  But most of the time I'll probably be picking up food and going to my office.  Or even picnicking!  This change will give me something to look forward to that involves both eating and spending money -- two of my favorite activities, currently.