Patient or Sweetheart?

Photo by Paola Chaaya @paolitta

I may have accidentally hastened my sweethearts decline on Tuesday when for a minute I held his arms down as the CNA was trying to clean him.  He was screaming "Stop, stop!" and "I'll kill you, I'll kill you."  I was treating him as a patient.  Then my heart kicked in and I told her to stop, that I'd rather he be dirty than terrified.  My heart is still attached. 

And, come to think of it, how can he still have so much shit in him if he's not eating?  I know he's dirty right now but it's still dark outside and he's asleep and yesterday I cleaned up three shitcidents and I'm not ready until I hear him stirring awake.  Then I'll get him up, get him into the bathroom, strip the bed (again).

I've asked for the hospital bed to be delivered today rather than Monday.  

I'm moving two chairs into the garage and/or taking them to Goodwill on Friday.