Family

 I'm going to be annoyed with family for a little while this morning. 

still from the film of August, Osage County

First, let me say that there are plenty of people who care about me and want to help me in in my current situation.  I don't need my small family, though I do love them.  So I feel sad that the two of them each  made commitments to me and then forgot them, but it's not devastating like it was when their mother told me not to come to help her when her husband died because I was "too emotional."  It took me years to work through that.  I know, I know.  Everyone grieves differently.  Then I found out that she suggested to my nephew that I didn't want to go to their father's celebration of life which wasn't true...I had a trip planned and she told me that it was okay to go...so I did and it turned out to be a terrible trip, so I should have stayed. You see?  Already there's too much drama.  My family, my life, has had way too much drama.  Too much mental illness.  Too much self defense.  Why do I still carry pain over the times I've been ignored?  Because of Mom.  Because of Mom walking out of the house and leaving me with the one who hurt me. Because of Mom leaving me so many times.  So, "when am I" right now as I think of my niece and nephew, both in their 30s?  Why does their "abandonment" disturb me?  After all, it's just karma...I ignored my Auntie Vio, a wonderful person.  So my niece said that she'd read through an interpersonal communication textbook with me and then decided not to.  My nephew said that, for my birthday and/or Christmas promised he'd send me an email once a month to catch up.  And yuppers, you guessed it, neither have come through.  But it's okay.  I understand.  I've had a church assignment for the past three weeks to call three people and I haven't done it because I'm so afraid of cold calling.  But I'll do it today and see if I can up my karma.

As for my sweetheart...for some reason he sat up all day in one of the wingbacks wearing only a shirt, a robe, and underwear.  I kept putting a blanket over his old legs.  He could name me yesterday morning, kinda, calling me "KayKay."  

He can get out but three words of any sentence.

The Good News:  I'm going to Vancouver once I reach widowhood!  I've just been accepted to the Vancouver School of Theology.